my design process

I was looking for something in my older posts, and found this one about the difference between being creative and being crafty. With somewhat of a shock, I realized that in the intervening years I have crossed over into the creative camp and am now a fairly permanent resident. This doesn't mean that I value my creativity, or think I have enough of it. Not sure if it's a mark of my personality, or a creative types in general, or a wicked combination of both, that causes me to doubt myself, doubt my craft, doubt my abilities, doubt my level of creativity.

I suspect I'm not alone in this regard.

The fault lines are the most jagged when I am trying to design something new. The process goes something like this.

1) Hey! A new call for knit design submissions. Let me look at the design board, just for fun.

2) Wow, this is a beautiful mood board. If I were going to make something, I would make (insert accessory here) and I would start by (insert stitch pattern idea here).

3) Where's my graph paper? And my calculator? And a sharpened pencil?

4) This is crap. It will not work. I don't know why I think I can do this.

(stew for a few days)

5) Dang it, this design will not get out of my head. I am seeing it in my dreams. I should just write it down.

6) Today is the day I am going to write that design down.

7) Never mind, this is not good enough to be accepted.

8) Never mind, today is the day. Except for let me do my filing first. And mop the floor. And organize my pens and pencils. And sharpen all my pencils. And get more coffee.

9) This is the day. Definitely the day.

(proceed in this manner for a few more days)

10) Crap! The deadline is 10 days away! I have to stop screwing around and get working on this right now!

(repeat for a few more days)

11) All right. If I work until midnight for three nights in a row, I can get this done in time.

(knit like a maniac, rip it out, knit some more)

12) This is not good enough to be accepted.

13) This will never be good enough to be accepted.

14) Oh well. I have done all this work, I may as well submit it. Let me stay up until midnight one more time to get it in under the deadline.

15) Wait to hear whether the design is accepted or not.

16) Try to get it off my mind by looking at the current calls for submissions...