Given the cold weather blowing in, it will be perfect chili weather for a couple more days at least.
Well
I came home from a hard track run and core workout to a house that smelled like
tomatoes, beans and beef. That's right. Chili.
Now
don't think that I'm a genius or something with chili. I have no idea how to
make it or what goes into that stuff but I AM a master of spicing up
chili with things that range from India all the way to China and bring it back
to the greatest country in the world, America.
Here
is the first and only rule of chili seasoning: If you are eating chili and your
mouth is not on fire and your eyes aren't tearing up then you are doing
something very wrong. If you find yourself in one of these situations, then just
refer to my blog. Don't worry, the sad age of "mild" chili is over (and yeah
mild is just a term they use to describe watered-down baby's formula, if you are
eating mild hot sauce or mild salsa, you ain't real).
Refer
to exhibit A, the building block of all good chilis. Yes, you can now go to [the biology teacher] and protest that there is a new monomer, and it is Chili 3000. And yes,
if you synthesize Chili 3000, you get a polymer, that is great chili. (Pardon my
biology talk, we learned this stuff like what? Two months ago? How can you
expect me to remember this stuff?) This is a building block of chili. Chili is
life. So Chili 3000 is a building block of life. Take that, science.
If
you don't already have it, click on [the link] to go buy some. Totally worth
it.
All right,
so now you have the base in your chili. THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. You need
to add something to make this chili yours. If not, this could be anybody's
chili, it could even be mine, it could be Victor Cruz's for all I know, is it
even yours bro, who's chili is this, and why are my tastebuds crying from
boredom rather than pain? You gotta add some extra sugar and spice, and
everything nice. Except no sugar and nothing nice this is meant to light your
mouth on fire. Now, when I was a seasoning novice, I used Tabasco. This stuff is
an okay hot sauce, but it is all the same and lacks a quality. Don't get me
wrong this stuff serves as a great set of training wheels, but when you are
looking to impress your homies or wreck havoc on your digestive system, it isn't
really the best hot sauce for the job.
When
you are ready to man up (or woman up... I don't know) you must turn to the
greatest hot sauce ever, Sriracha. Made in Thailand, so you know its legit, this
stuff is chili pepper sauce, garlic, sugar, and salt. This stuff is insanely
good, and is getting easier to find every day. Just pour as much into your chili
as you please , I'm not the kind of guy to tell someone else how much hot sauce
is enough... but I will. You have to add a couple hefty squirts of this stuff
for it to have a solid effect but once it does, you are set. Shoutout to my Dad,
he introduced me to this stuff when I was 10 and now I'm introducing it to you.
Enjoy.
Once
all this is done, you taste the chili. If it is needed, sprinkle in some salt,
even if it isn't needed add some diced hot peppers, cook's choice.
Comment if you try any
of this stuff, or if you have any suggestions for my next chili.
Should I pass this recommendation on to Nonno?
ReplyDeleteHahaha,
ReplyDeleteSorry to burst a bubble, but take a look at the label. Its made in the greatest country on earth…that’s right, America..California red jalapeƱos to be exact. you gotta love how the company got it's name..
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/20/dining/20united.html?pagewanted=all
Good Stuff!!!
Dave