Like so much else around here, this post is a day late, very symptomatic of what is happening in my life right now. My get up and go has been gone, gone, gone lately. This last year has represented so many sea changes for me and I suspect that this next year will bring even more, so when the pace slowed just the tiniest bit post-holidays, I ended up feeling a mite directionless, with perhaps a bit of lost thrown in as well. Or maybe just tired and in need of a break.
Knitting seems to be a symbol of the greater problem. Since I finished the principal's shawl, I haven't done too much of it. I wander into my work room, see all those unfinished projects in bags, get overwhelmed at the thought of tackling anything, and wander back out again without picking up anything.
Before you think I am depressed: let me assure you that I am not, and my loved ones will back me up on this. I am just... directionless. No doubt a symptom of trying to find a new place in life that recognizes my kids are growing up and we are all entering new phases, inching my way out of the home while keeping myself still involved in the two that are home.
I loved my friend's Paige's idea of coming up with a phrase this year, instead of a resolution or even a promise like last year (upon which I failed miserably, by the way). So my phrase, with full acknowledgement that Paige's "clear eyes, full heart, can't lose" is much more profound and lyrical:
mindful focus
Hence, the lateness of this post. Seasonal navel gazing, plus spending time with my boys watching movies and going to track meets and shopping.
"Certainty is fleeting. That is why we must have faith. ...
New beginnings, accepted with grace, become beloved memories."
What can I say, I watched it tonight and it spoke to me.
After the year you've had, I'm not surprised that you are in need of no direction at all just for now. Just looking minute to minute, and enjoying what's there. I think this is a January thing. I've often found that I have much less art mojo at this time of year, just for a while. So good for you, for seeing all this and not panicking! more than I can claim, to be honest.
ReplyDeleteI never make resolutions, but this time of year does seem to call us to do a little looking back, and some hopeful looking to the future. I love your quote from Call the Midwife, it was a great episode and does speak to new beginnings. And now that we are having a few minutes more daylight, we are on the upswing! Mindful focus, and mindfully enjoying every minute with our loved ones is a good thing :*)
ReplyDelete