Thursday, November 15, 2012

as if I need any help

I have been in a deep fug / fog / funk / call-it-what-you-will, ever since the hurricane hit. Life is slowly getting back to normal for us, but for so many so close, it is not. Every day brings a new tale of loss or hardship suffered. The road back will be a long one for this state. I feel bad even complaining about my little problems in comparison, but everyone I talk to has the same feeling of emotional exhaustion.

I have no idea why this should affect my personal motivation so greatly, but it has. I have even lost my will to knit: I think of working on a project, it overwhelms me, I stop thinking about it. This has pretty much been the pattern with anything that needs doing, including laundry, e-mail responses, bill payment, farm work, 4-H leadership, etc., so it is getting a bit chaotic around here.

With Primo finally back in school on Monday, I buckled down and forced myself to address certain pressing matters. Huge piles of paper on my desk were beaten back into more manageable mounds. Plans were made for coming weeks and months. Slowly but surely, I was feeling a little more in control.

Until last night, at my church's vestry meeting, when we got into a heated discussion about the correct date of the first Sunday of the month. Since I was acting secretary for the meeting, it somewhat mattered what date I put into the minutes. As I had just been staring at my calendar, working out my short-term life plan, I was quite sure that the first Sunday was December 1.

When I got home, I discovered the reason for my confusion. Behold my free artsy calendar from a Korean restaurant, that sits right behind my computer.

Need a closer look?

Yep. Not only did I get a calendar for free, I also got an extra day in November. Much as I could use one, it should not come at the price of my sanity. I have whited it out and braced myself to actually purchase a desk calendar for 2013. Now if I can only figure out how to buy some motivation.


  1. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We live in Nashville and our home was flooded in 2010. Our community looked like a war zone. I would feel strong and then drive in to work on our house and burst into tears on the way. It will get better. The trash gets hauled away. People step up and help one another in amazing ways. God is present and quite palpable at times.

    Overall, I think it was much easier to go through being one of the families whose house was flooded as opposed to those that weren't. We truly felt God's presence, provision, and peace every day. I think the other families had the emotional burdens of this happening to their communities and some guilt about others being hit, but not them.

    I also think a round of depression is to be expected. I definitely went through some. If this doesn't turn around for you pretty fast, go talk to someone. I did and it helped immensely. Just a couple rounds of talking out all the confusion swimming through your head and heart can really help.

    I'm praying for you.

  2. LOL...LOL...LOL!!!!!!!
    Nice clean design, but thanks for the heads up!

  3. I feel the same way, sitting all the way out here in WA! I used to spend a lot of time at the beaches and boardwalks, and driving through most of the communities that got wiped out.

    I've spent countless hours at my computer, looking at the pictures and reading the articles.